Enmity’s Affect on Happiness
Enmity (animosity and opposition toward others) affects our ability to connect with others. As we discovered in How To Be Happy Part 1-4, lasting happiness and peace come from connecting with God, ourselves, and others. Because enmity towards others affects our closeness with them, it significantly hinders our happiness.
Enmity is the Central Feature of Pride
With great insight, Ezra T. Benson declared that enmity is “the central feature of pride,” the universal sin. Enmity cuts us off from each other to the degree that it is present in our relationships. We experience enmity with God when we pit our will against His, do not seek Him, and give ourselves credit for what He does for us. We even experience enmity with ourselves when we hate ourselves or don’t do what we need for proper self-care. Obviously, we have enmity with others when we don’t see one another as equals, criticize, or do anything that creates a distance between us.
How Pride and Enmity Pervaded My Life
A few years ago when I hit rock bottom emotionally and had a sort of mid-life crisis, the Lord showed me the extent of my pride. It pervaded every aspect of my life. No wonder I wasn’t very happy.
I spent my days self-aggrandizing or self-soothing. When I got really honest with myself I saw that I often said things to make others look like the villain so as to excuse my own faults. I would manipulate people and situations for my own satisfaction.
To self-soothe I would eat and seek entertainment. Even my religiosity and efforts as a wife and mother were so that I would feel good and get approval for being “a good Church member” or a “good mom.” Doing good for the wrong motives is better than not doing good at all! At least it put me in a position to learn and mature whereas sin only increases our pride and enmity.
All of these actions that put my interests above most everything else resulted in contention and enmity between me and others, my true self, and God.
An Unexpected Answer
During this difficult time I was in the temple and I asked God what I should do about a few problems in my life. My answer, which came into my mind as words, was, “Be one with your husband.” It seemed unrelated to things I was concerned about. But, I was relieved because it was so simple. (Although easier said than done.)
Focusing on Unity Humbled Me
I found that as I made unity with my husband my goal each day, each hour, other things fell into place. I started to think about unity with my children and others. My expectations for cleaning and chores took a step back to make way for unity. Chores got done, but not always my way and with more flexibility and less perfection.
When I was in a conversation or disciplining I held in the back of my mind that I wanted to maintain a feeling of closeness with that person. I often prayed for help to know how to handle a difficult situation. As a result, I learned how to talk out disagreements more diplomatically.
Having unity/oneness as my main goal meant that being right or getting what I wanted was NOT as important anymore. I also began to apologize and make amends when I messed up, so as to restore the feeling of unity. This experience got me thinking about the relationship between humility and unity.
Enmity and Pride vs Unity and Humility
Ezra T Benson said, “Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.” Then he taught (as I mentioned previously), “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen.”
Similarly, most of us think of humility as “the condition of being meek and teachable”. Or, to “recognize gratefully our dependence on the Lord—to understand that we have a constant need for His support…”
My experience got me thinking that like Ezra T. Benson said with pride, maybe these are all elements of humility, but the heart, or core, is still missing. The central feature of humility is unity—unity with God and our fellowmen.
Unity is oneness or harmony with others. When we are truly humble we will be one with God and our fellowmen.
In my experience, trying to be one with God and my fellowmen causes me to get on my knees, swallow my pride, admit my mistakes or sins, recognize that I need help, and seek additional knowledge. Focusing on unity also causes me to put my own will, selfish desires, and appetites aside every hour of every day if they do not promote unity with God and my fellowmen.
Replace Enmity with Unity by Drawing Close to the Savior
Removing the enmity obstacle to joy is definitely an on-going, life-long process — not a one time cure.
Jesus Christ, our perfect example of humility, was always one with the Father. He prayed for us, “That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us…that they may be one, even as we are one:” John 17:21-22
Repentance and gospel living are important ways that we Come Unto Him. (see D&C 18:11)
Repentance
As we repent we will change, grow, and mature in Christlike ways until we return to the humility of young children. “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things that the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)
Gospel Living
“When we live the gospel, receiving the saving ordinances and keeping our covenants, our natures are changed. The Savior’s Atonement sanctifies us, and we can live in unity, enjoying peace in this life and preparing to dwell with the Father and His Son forever.”
Check Motives
Another way we can reduce enmity is to check our motives for what we do or even think. If our motives are based in self-satisfying or self-aggrandizing it puts us above God and others. Sometimes our motive could be to put ourselves down, which is also enmity. Checking our motives for our actions will help us become aware of enmity. Awareness is the first step to repentance.
As we repent of our pride and start to change our motive will become to submit to God’s will out of love and faith. We will draw close to the Lord as we humbly, constantly seek His will.
To Sum It All Up
- Enmity is animosity and affects our ability to connect with others and therefore hinders our happiness.
- Enmity is the central feature of pride.
- Enmity can be more prevalent in our lives than we are aware of.
- Unity, the opposite of enmity, is the central feature of humility, the opposite of pride.
- Come unto Christ to replace enmity with unity.
- Repentance and Gospel Living are important ways to come unto Christ.
- Checking our motives can help us be sure that they are not selfish.
Overcoming enmity will result in us experiencing greater joy as we are united with God, others, and our true selves. “the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind…” (Moses 7:18)
