How the Lord Healed my Bipolar Disorder (Psychologically)

Mental/Psychological Changes that Healed my Bipolar

Last week I talked about the Lord helping me make physical changes to improve my brain’s chemistry and thereby heal my bipolar in a physical way. Part 2 is about God healing my mind through changes in my thought patterns (psychology). These changes were of equal importance in how the Lord healed my bipolar disorder.

Again, “Bipolar Depression may be described as a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of a very good or irritable mood and depression.” https://www.citrialsbipolardepression.com/

Besides the chemical factors in the brain that triggered these emotions I found that circumstances equally triggered my bipolar symptoms. To replace being affected by the highs and lows of what was going on around me, I needed to change my thought patterns.

I am not trying to say that these things are a sure cure for Bipolar or will work for everyone. I can only share my experiences and hope that the information may be helpful to some people.

Learning to Face Negative and Wonderful Aspects of Life in a Mature Way

I often have thought in my life, “I am a very nice person as long as things go my way.” I felt happy when everything was going right and ornery when things went wrong. The problem was, life was full of conflict, so I was unhappy about half the time.

I thought that was perfectly normal, but now I see that there are people who live with inner peace almost all the time regardless of circumstances. It is like living on a higher plain of consciousness.

In my experience negative thought patterns cause fear, pride, resentment, enmity, and despair. As I retrained my mind through God’s grace, I was more constant in Him and began to have more faith, humility, love, and hope. Here are some things helped me.

View All As “Right”

I read a quote in A Light in the Wilderness by M. Catherine Thomas that helped me start to see everything as God’s will. This really increased my faith in God because I decided to trust Him every time conflict arose. He can stop or make anything happen, so if He hasn’t stopped it, it must be for a purpose. This of course raises the question, “Why would God allow terrible abuse or violence?” I believe God’s workings go far beyond what we can see and that everything fits together in a sort of complicated math problem.

Here is what I read in Thomas’ book (p.26-27) that impacted me so much. It is from John Taylor, an early leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He is speaking in referring to the trials of the Church at the time and quotes the poet Alexander Pope.

“In relation to anything that has or may transpire, I feel that we are in the hands of God and all is right…. We ought to feel that we are in the Church and kingdom of God, and that God is at the helm, and that all is right and will continue to be. I feel as easy as an old shoe.”

“What if we should be driven to the mountains? Let us be driven. What if we must burn our houses? Why, set fire to them with a good grace, and dance a jig round them while they are burning. ”

“What do I care about these things? We are in the hands of God, and all is right…. What is the position, then, that we ought to occupy- every man, woman, and child? Do our duty before God- honor him, and all is right. Concerning events yet to transpire, we must trust them in the hands of God, and feel that ‘whatever is, is right,’ and that God will control all things for our best good and the interest of his Church and kingdom on the earth. ”

“If we live here and prosper, all right; if we leave here, all right; and if we have to pass through affliction, all right. By and by, when we come to gaze on the fitness of things that are now obscure to us, we shall find that God, although he has moved in a mysterious way to accomplish his purposes on the earth and his purposes relative to us as individuals and families, all things are governed by that wisdom which flows from God, and all things are right and calculated to promote every person’s eternal welfare before God.”

Submit Cheerfully to God’s Will

Seeing everything as God’s will gave me the opportunity to decide to submit to it cheerfully because I trust Him. When my child woke me up at 2 am instead ranting in my head about how tired I was I started to say, “Thy will be done.” One day my tire went flat on the freeway and instead of worrying about the time it would take to get home and the groceries in the car I thought, “Thy will be done.”

I automatically turned to God for help and found this increased not only my faith, but my humility before God. Humitlity started to mean being willing to go with His plan instead of mine and giving Him the credit for everything good.

I could accept my weaknesses and problems with faith that there might be a purpose to them. Because of this belief I stopped viewing myself as a victim of circumstance and started repeating the mantra, “Life is happening for me, not to me.”

The last time I saw my grandmother, Patricia Byrd, before she got dementia, she told me a story from her life that illustrated this lesson. She said that one Christmas she had mailed a package to her brother across the country and right before Christmas Day it showed up at her house again. She was so angry with the postal workers and tried to file complaints and fix the problem. Then, a few days later she received word that her brother’s house caught fire, and everything was burnt. When she heard the news, she was so grateful for the postal error. She told me it taught her not to get angry.

Looking for God’s purposes in all things (the silver lining) reminds me of Pollyanna’s “glad game”. She found something good in every situation and focused on it.

Write

Another tool God gave me to psychologically combat bipolar was to write about things that were troubling me. If I was very upset, I would use scratch paper and write out all the negative stuff. This helped me get my thoughts clear and receive revelation on how to handle situations. Then I would dispose of the paper. Overtime I needed to do this less and less.

I listened to a YouTube video about contesting negative thoughts with an A, B, C, D, E system.

A stands for adversity
B stands for beliefs
C stands for consequences
D stands for disputation
E stands for energize

I can’t find the video now, but it was based on a book by Sonja Lyubomirsky called The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want . There is a great summary of the method in the following blog. https://www.positivelypresent.com/2009/07/disputing-negativity-is-as-easy-as-abcde.html. I used the method on paper for a while until it was automatic.

Writing in my journal each night helped me too. I would list 5 things I was grateful for each day everyday even if I didn’t write about what had transpired during the day. This, of course, brought out my “Pollyanna.”

Meditation and Breathing

To combat depression as well as mania, meditation taught me to free open my mind so that I can tap into my Higher Power more continually and receive guidance. When things are going well, I think about God and thank him. I breathe deeply and practice awareness by taking stock of everything that is going on around me and out of sight of me (the good and the bad around the world).

This short video helped me focus on my breathing as a form of meditation. The man is so cute and he explained to me the way I usually thought and suggested focusing on breathing to quiet our mind. It is called “How to train your monkey mind.”

For me meditation is centered on God, seeking His will, and “looking to [Him] in every thought.” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36)

Redirect Critical Thoughts

I used to constantly criticize things and people. As a result, and without realizing it, I criticized myself too. I expected way too much of myself and when I didn’t measure up I would get frustrated and depressed…mood swings.

What is the root of criticism? It might be the belief that our worth depends on our accomplishments and other’s approval. Here are some things I do to redirect critical thoughts:

Replace criticism with a prayer for the person or situation (including myself). If I don’t like what a person is doing I will pray for them receive help from God to stop.
Replace the critical thought with the mantra, “We need less judging and more loving.” I heard this phrase from a Church leader once.
Play devil’s advocate and contest the criticism as mentioned with the ABCDE method. I find think of ways my critical thought is not true, or only partly true.
Never say anything negative about someone or something unless I am planning how to help them or the situation.
Only say things about other people that I think they wouldn’t mind overhearing. Choose words carefully when it is necessary to council about someone else’s problems (including my own children). This leads me to be the same everywhere and with everyone. It gives me an attitude that encourages unity instead of enmity and equality instead of hierarchies.

Understand that Every Human’s Worth is the Same as a Child of God

I used to respect people more that did great things and I felt to be respected I needed to do great things. This left me feeling proud when I was doing well (mania) and depressed when I was not measuring up. I was also self-centered because my worth depended on what I was doing. When I realized that God is allowing me to succeed and He gives me all my powers and talents, I felt grateful instead of proud. He is also allowing my failures and so I felt submissive instead of depressed.

I believe we all deserve the same respect from the homeless person on the street to the Presidents and Kings of nations. This is not to say that we trust everyone the same. We have boundaries with certain people that we know could do us emotional or physical harm, but I respect them as a child of God.

Let Go of Perfectionism

God’s will is much less demanding than ours. He doesn’t expect perfect outcomes, just complete (or perfect) submission of my whole heart. I have started telling myself to expect about 80% performance for myself and my children. They are usually giving 100% of their effort. Most of us are trying out best.

When I was young, I wanted an A+ and a 100% in school. To get that meant I was one of the best. It was written in black and white right in front of everyone’s face. But there is so much more going on than we can see. There is so much more in our hearts and our minds than people know. If we could see inside everyone’s mind, we would only have compassion for one another.

Conclusion

Submitting to God’s will, focusing on Him through meditation, and letting go of criticism helped me find inner peace. The Lord healed my bipolar disorder psychologically. I see the world and everything it in differently.

Things that I saw as negative before are non-issues for me now. I am upset by real issues only briefly and without despair because I have hope that I will be able to handle them with God. Mania is replaced with a constant seeking for God’s will in every thought.

November 20, 2018December 19, 2018

How Do You Handle Boys?

How Do You Do It?

I get this question all the time. First, I need to clarify what people mean by “How do you handle five boys?” They might be saying, “How do you function as a regular person and do all those boys require?” or “How do you stay sane and not lose it on your kids?” There are several answers to both questions

How do you function as a regular person and do all those boys require?

I don’t. Many of the things I do are quite different from most people because I have had to adapt how we do homework, how we read as a family, how we discipline, how we find entertainment, and basically everything to our specific circumstances. We don’t “measure up” to our society’s standards in academics, athletics, behavior, faith, finances, or courtesy. So, if you want to meet certain criteria for your children, I might not recommend having a lot of boys close together unless you know you are very capable.

I may not be fully capable of handling what I’ve been given. But, when it comes to choosing how many children to have and when, I have learned that when we council with the Lord and put our lives in God’s hands He will make sure the number of kids and the timing will make us the happiest in the long run. My road has been very difficult and I am lacking in so many ways for my children. (See my post on “Mom Guilt”). They aren’t as talented or as disciplined as they would be if I had fewer children and farther apart. But, it’s all in God’s hands and He will make it all work out. Even though it has been incredibly hard to raise them, those five boys are the best thing I have ever done and I am so glad I had them.

How Do You Stay Sane?

Well, there was a time when I wasn’t. I functioned from an unhealthy state of mind for most of my life and finally, the boys broke me. I had to become a different person and I praise the Lord for it. The old me was usually negative, stressed, and unhappy under the chaotic and loud circumstances of raising five boys. Through God’s grace I learned (and am still learning) to set up healthy boundaries, change my thought patterns, and be serene.

Boundaries

Boys need a lot of discipline. I learned about the idea positive parenting from my father, Tom Dozier, who is a behavioral scientist. His website Guarenteed Parent Training. Love and Logic helped me alot too because boys need consequences. They teach to give consequences lovingly and with empathy. It helps a parent stay calm so the child knows their misbehavior is their problem and not yours.

Another resource that revolutionized my life and my parenting was the Boundaries books by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I used to discipline out of fear (yelling and inflicting pain) because I didn’t realize how much control I had as a parent. Also, I often felt like a victim and that my sweet children were my aggressors. All that changed with Boundaries. I read Boundaries, Boundaries with Kids, and Boundaries in Marriage.

Mark Gregston with Parenting Today’s Teens and Heartlight Ministry teaches how to set up rules, consequences, and have a strong relationship so that we “glorify God through our parenting.”

Positive Thought Patterns

Focus on the good because there’s a lot of good and a lot of bad. I decided to stop myself from thinking about or talking to others about the bad things my kids were doing. It was a form of look-how-I-am-a-martyr comedy. Overtime, I turned every concern or complaint into a prayer. This turned the negative into hope. I started listing at least five things in my journal each night that I was grateful for. Soon, I would notice and think about the simple pleasures of motherhood and life more.

If I am focused on the messes, the noise, immature choices, cussing, or rudeness then I miss the boy’s zest for life, ideas for fun, and gestures of unconditional love. Boys are very loving. Sometimes my boys tell me, “You’re so beautiful. You’re so talented, smart, and funny.” But they only feel safe to do that when they see me smiling or at peace.

Serenity

I must be in tune with my emotions. This came slowly and with practice overtime. I was out of touch with my feelings. For most of my life I thought it was normal to function when I was stressed out. Now, when I start to feel stressed, uneasy, angry, negative or critical I take the time to breathe, write, or do an anger drill. Sometimes I am not sure going into it what is causing me to feel negative and stressed. But taking the time to process my emotions helps me to recognize what the problem is (if any) and make a rational and inspired choice.

The first thing I do is go where I can be alone and take inventory of what is going on at the present moment. I list off everything good and bad. This shows me how much good there is. For example, one day I was realized, “Four of my children are doing what their supposed to, I have food to eat and clothes to wear, the birds are chirping, the trees and flowers are outside, dinner is cooking. I am just upset by one child’s obstinance.” Then I prayed and decided how to handle it. Another day I realized, “The children are being great. I am just stressed out because I am worried that dinner will not taste good, no one will eat, and it will be late.”

At times things surface that are of deep concern. Maybe I become aware of a problem at school or a certain behavior problem that I didn’t seem to notice before. At these times I turn to the Lord in faith, give Him control, and pray for help, guidance, Grace, and answers. He always gives me His grace. I also council with my husband and let him know the things that are worrying me and what I’m doing and praying for. The Lord gives my husband and I revelation as we council together. Many times when I ask God for answers He tells me to talk to my husband about the concern. Then, we come up with the answer together.

The Joy of Boys

I will end with a snippet of our life. Look for the negative and positive alternating pattern. Yesterday morning some of my children were cussing, being rude, and refusing to do chores. I kept my cool and withheld their privileges lovingly. (Enforcing boundaries like this is more complicated than it sounds). Eventually, everyone did their chores. We did the grocery shopping, watched some TV, had a fire in the fire pit.

The highlight of my day was when the boys asked me to play with them. They gave me the best gun and we ran around and shot at our oppossing teammates. Thirty minutes later they were terribly rude at dinner and I sent them to bed early. Around their regular bedtime I told them a story about a lady who had tiny gold nuggets come out of her ears when she sneezed. (They like me to “tell them a story with my mouth”). I read a few scripture verses to them and some Church literature. We talked, hugged and prayed. It was beautiful.

Two hours later I went in their room for something and discovered three of them missing. I knew where they were because of a comment I had heard in the morning. They had climbed out the window and were sleeping in the frigid fall night in the old chicken coop. They were wearing their coats and laying on the piece of carpet that used to be in our living room. I woke them up and had them go back to their beds. I kissed them and explained that I want them to be safe and clean.

I Handle It with God

In conclusion, to handle five boys I have to adapt life to our circumstances without worrying what others think, set up boundaries (aka discipline a lot), focus on the abundance of good, and take time to regulate my emotions so I can handle the bad calmly.

November 13, 2018November 20, 2018

Codependency and Joy In My Posterity

The Struggle to Find Joy and Rejoicing in My Posterity

My Dream Family

All my life I looked forward to being a wife and mother. It was a joyful day when my husband and I had our first child. Finally! I was a mom! I loved it, but I also began to experience frequent stress and anger and some depression. To me, family life involved so much work and opposition. I had many happy moments with my family, but I wondered if this is what I had always dreamed of? It didn’t really seem like “joy and rejoicing” to me.

Seeking Help

As more children came, my negative and positive emotions increased. I sometimes lost my temper multiple times a day and soon felt like I needed emotional help. I read parenting books, went to parenting classes, attended the temple, prayed and fasted. Eventually I went to my Bishop and requested counseling from LDS Social Services. By that time, I had five lively sons from ages nine to one years old.

Anger Drill

My therapist taught me to do what he called an “anger drill”. When I began to feel stress I would go to my room and do something physical to release the stress, like sit-ups. As I moved my body I would talk out loud about what was making me stressed. This skill helped me improve dramatically. It started to re-train my brain to handle stress and conflict more rationally. The Lord also prompted me to eat less sugar, which I found gave me much more self-control. But there was more in store to answer my prayers for peace and joy in my home.

A Divine Intervention

During this time my mother and father-in-law were missionaries for the Addiction Recovery Program. Prompted by the Spirit, my mother-in-law talked to me about some literature regarding codependency. She told me a little about the concept and I decided to read it. As I did, I identified with what I read. It became clear to me that much of my unhappiness was because of codependent behaviors and that anger and depression were just symptoms of a larger problem. The Lord was answering my prayers and showing me a road to greater happiness. I started to study codependency more.

What is Codependency

The term codependency was originally coined “to describe the person or persons whose lives were affected as a result of their being involved with someone who was chemically dependent… a pattern of coping with life that was not healthy as a reaction to someone else’s drug or alcohol abuse.”[1] The patterns were “emotional, psychological, and behavioral.” [2] As professionals continued to study the condition, they found it among many more groups of people such as caretakers, families of PTSD, families of behavioral addictions, and more. It was even said that “codependency is everything and everyone is codependent.”[3] Addictions in families amplify the “emotional, psychological, and behavioral” trends that exist to some degree in many families. An LDS expert explained codependency as “man’s own way of coping or surviving in this fallen world.”[4]

A New Definition of Codependency

As I have learned about it, I best understand codependency as our own set of weaknesses, conditioned negative tendencies, and issues that separate us from God. These things may result from our pre-dispositions we brought with us to earth combined with the conditioning from our life’s circumstances and experiences (especially not being treated with the love and respect we all deserve as a human being). In short, I see codependency as the natural man. “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:15).

As “light cleaveth unto light” (D&C 88:40), codependents (or natural men) attract spouses with a similar level of severity.

Causes and Symptoms of Codepency

There is a large variety of causes of codependency. The symptoms can also be the causes when they are prevalent in one’s family. Some common symptoms are:

Not living by the Spirit or being out of touch with the Spirit
Sinning (I view this as self-inflicted abuse)
Letting another person’s behavior affect you and being obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior[5]
Happiness depending on what others do or do not do or one’s circumstances[6]
Self-seeking[7]
Conditional love
Criticism of self or others
Identity or worth defined by a relationship, a role you play, outward appearances, actions, or possessions
Demanding too much of self and others
Unhealthy communication
Anxiety, Depression, Anger
Addictions
Obsessive, compulsive
Perfectionism
Intimacy issues
Being overly analytical
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Abusing or being abused
Workaholism or laziness
Doing for others what they should do for themselves or Irresponsibility
Being too passive or too defensive
Being too emotional or unemotional

Codependency is passed down through the generations unless the “emotional, psychological, and behavioral” trends are changed through the atonement of Christ.

Healing Through Christ

My eyes were opened seemingly all at once to a looming set of sins and weaknesses. I identified with most of the symptoms on the list above. Soon, I became aware that my husband and I had poor communication and I was venting stress from our relationship onto our children. Also, I realized that pride and fear pervaded a great deal of my choices and thoughts. I based my worth on what I accomplished or acquired. My happiness depended on my children and husband doing what I wanted and their accomplishments. I was manipulative, emotional, irresponsible, selfish, and demanded too much of myself and others. I also saw that in order to feel good I tended to turn to things or behaviors, even religious acts, instead to the Lord Himself. All of a sudden my false pride was crushed.

This was very painful at first, but the Lord said, “…repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal [you]…” (3 Nephi 18:32). Codependency, is an addictive behavior[8] and I began to attend Addiction Recovery Meetings and do the 12-step workbook that goes with the program. This is a program of anonymity, but I choose to openly testify of its effectiveness. The program helped me to “focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel.”[9] As I worked the program and the Lord worked in my life in other ways, I experienced a dramatic shift, “a change of mind…a fresh view about God, [myself], and about the world.”[10] I felt set free!

Joy and Rejoicing

Before, I wanted to love and have a happy family, but I didn’t fully know how. “For we know in part… ” (1 Corinthians 13:9). As my natural man is brought into submission to God’s will, I am becoming who I really am. I am a child of God, a Christ-like being, the embodiment of love, “for God is love” (1 John 4:16). As I am less controlling and more charitable with my children and husband, they are free to be themselves and their Christ-like personalities bring me great joy. We are not perfect, but I am more understanding and forgiving of our pride and weaknesses. Now, I can truly say I have joy and rejoicing in my posterity.

[1] Robert Subby and John Friel, “Co-Dependency: A Paradoxical Dependency,” Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, 31 (Hollywood, FL: Health Communication, 1984); as cited in Melody Beattie, Codependent No More (Hazelden Foundation, 1986,1992), 31.

[2]Robert Subby, “Inside the Chemically Dependent Marriage: Denial and Manipulation,” Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, 26; as cited in Codependent No More, 30.

[3] As quoted by Melody Beattie in Codependent No More, 31.

[4] Douglas Dobberfuhl, Healing the Codependent Heart (Currawong Press, 2013), 37.

[5] Melody Beattie, Codependent No More (1992), 34.

[6] Healing Through Christ Institute,LLC, Healing Through Christ (2007-2013), 142.

[7] The remainder of the symptoms listed were taken from various pages throughout Healing the Codependent Heart, unless otherwise indicated.

[8] LDS Family Services, Addiction Recovery Program (2005), v.

[9] Uchtdorf, “It Works Wonderfully,” Ensign, Nov. 2015, 22.

[10] LDS Bible Dictionary, Repentance, 760.

November 6, 2018September 11, 2019

Feel Like a Good Mom, No Guilt

Jesus Christ kneeling down and touching the face of a sick woman sitting against a tree with a baby in her arms. He can heal our spirits and take away our guilt.

“I-must-be-a-bad-Mom” Guilt

When children and times are challenging we may worry if we’re a “bad mom”. I used to have a lot of shame for not measuring up to what I thought a “good mom” and family should be. My whole definition of a “good mom” has changed. This is what I do to be and feel like a good mom and be free from “Mommy Guilt” and shame.

Rely On Jesus Christ

I do a lot of things wrong, I am a very weak, and I have a lot to learn. A lot of the problems my family has to endure are because of my lack of knowledge and skills. This naturally made me feel like I wasn’t a good mom and carry guilt. But, now I believe God has given me everything I need to succeed right now. He knows my family and what we have to deal with. It is all part of His plan.

Because of Christ’s atonement, all of the bad can work together for our good and for His purposes. I remember that He makes up the difference for where I fail. Thanks to Him I can receive forgiveness for my sins and receive power far beyond my own. God also does many miracles and works in my life (far beyond anything my own efforts could do) to help my good desires become a reality. He helps me feel like a “Good Mom” and takes my guilt from me.

Continually Repent

I do mess up as a parent everyday. I am selfish and prideful (not fully, of course). Too often I put my will above God’s, judge my children, or think negatively about them. These things naturally (and for good reason) bring guilt. But I have that guilt lifted right away by Jesus Christ if I repent immediately. Then I feel like (and am) a “good Mom” without guilt. Not because of my talents and capacities, but because I am pure through Christ.

To repent, I say sorry, rededicate myself to God, and try to be a little better than before. I can feel clean and pure and good before God everytime I commit to change.

But, I need to have a realistic expectations for change. I used to have the idea that if I yelled or hit my kids and I repented that meant I needed to never do those things again. I was basically expecting myself to become a perfect mother from then on and never mess up. So, I felt a lot of guilt and like a bad mom because I didn’t think I was really repenting. God showed me that I need to say sorry every time and then ask for help to do it less as oppossed to never. I began to see improvement and grace instead of failure.

Seek God’s Will Daily

God’s will includes the commandments and teachings in the scriptures that are given to the human race as a whole. In addition, He has things He wants me to do as an individual. When I pray to know what to do each day and for particular individuals, I receive ideas in my mind or feelings in my heart. The Lord shows me His will for me. Doing this is daily (and even hourly) is living by revelation and makes me become a partner with God in His work.

This way guilt is replaced with a deep sense of approval from God, knowing God is pleased with me and my efforts that day regardless of all my other problems. He never asks me to do anything that is too much for me because He knows me perfectly. When I have prayed to know what he wants me to do I have received answers such as: eat less sugar, strengthen your abdominals, practice awareness, read the scriptures longer, let Jacob color, be kind to Keith, make your husband dinner.

Keep Learning

As long as I am doing my best I am ok. But, what was my best yesterday may not be my best today. God expects me to keep learning from my mistakes, from study, and from Him through personal revelation.

A New Definition For a “Good Mom”

I used to think a “good mom” did a certain list of do’s and don’ts (clean house, make meals, don’t yell, discipline your children). All of these things are important and will naturally, eventually, be part of my new definition for “good mom.” But, you can be a good mom and yell or not be the best at house work. A “good mom” tries her hardest to follow God’s gentle will and change with the help of the Savior every day. This is something only an individual can judge. I am the only that knows how hard I am trying.

Doing all these things I mentioned is parenting with faith and helps me have confidence instead of guilt or shame. Now I have greater authority as a mother despite my sins and mistakes.

For more information about my change from shame and guilt-laden parentng to free and happy parenting see About Me.

October 24, 2018November 20, 2018

Getting Ready for School

This morning I felt overwhelmed with the mess in the house (clothes and towels on the floor, dishes and food all over the kitchen, toys and trash here and there. ) When Jacob, Michael, and Jeff woke up they went straight outside to their “school” in the old chicken coupe before I was even out of my room. So, I was concerned about them not doing their chores and homework again this morning. Keith had just left to school on his bike and I sat down on the couch and did nothing for a while. I let myself be still and feel overwhelmed instead of pushing myself to get to work. Daniel woke up and sat by me in his pajamas. We just sat quietly cuddling. A thought came into my head that motivated me: “I want to write a blog post today.” I think it was just enough stillness and just enough purpose to help me suddenly feel like getting up and going to work. It didn’t feel forced or like a burden.

Daniel got dressed and I helped him comb his hair. He picked up his pajamas and put them in the laundry and made his bed the way a five-year-old can. Then I had him write individual phoneme sounds on a peice of lined paper and consonant blends as I spoke them. He wrote two words from the consonant blends. This is great practice for children with dyslexia. He is so blessed to be the last of five dyslexic children because I know so much better how to teach him.

Well, Jacob, Michael, and Jeff decided to get dressed for school and eat breakfast. Two minutes before it was time to go Jacob told me he wanted to do his homework. I let him try to look it up on GoogleClassroom and then told him it was time to go. I drove them to school today because we needed extra time to eat breakfast at home. I think the food they are fed in the cafeteria is contributing to their learning disabilities and eczema. I am very disturbed when I see the prepackaged, high-sugar, high-dairy food that they are feeding the kids in our entire school district. But, there isn’t a much better option. It is not realistic to feed 57,000 children organic, home-made food.

As we were getting in the car they all wrote “I love you” in the dew on the windows. When I dropped them off Michael came back and gave me a long hug. These boys have so much love for me. If I don’t nag them about the things they are doing that dissapoint me they are free to show me all that love and I am free to share it with them too. There’s always tomorrow or this afternoon for homework and chores. I am sure I will find something to motivate them.