“I-must-be-a-bad-Mom” Guilt

When children and times are challenging we may worry if we’re a “bad mom”.  I used to have a lot of shame for not measuring up to what I thought a “good mom” and family should be.   My whole definition of a “good mom” has changed. This is what I do to be and feel like a good mom and be free from “Mommy Guilt” and shame.

Rely On Jesus Christ

I do a lot of things wrong, I am a very weak, and I have a lot to learn.  A lot of the problems my family has to endure are because of my lack of knowledge and skills.  This naturally made me feel like I wasn’t a good mom and carry guilt. But, now I believe God has given me everything I need to succeed right now.  He knows my family and what we have to deal with.  It is all part of His plan.

Because of Christ’s atonement, all of the bad can work together for our good and for His purposes.  I remember that He makes up the difference for where I fail.  Thanks to Him I can receive forgiveness for my sins and receive power far beyond my own.  God also does many miracles and works in my life (far beyond anything my own efforts could do) to help my good desires become a reality.  He helps me feel like a “Good Mom” and takes my guilt from me.

Continually Repent

I do mess up as a parent everyday.  I am selfish and prideful (not fully, of course).  Too often I put my will above God’s, judge my children, or think negatively about them.  These things naturally (and for good reason) bring guilt. But I have that guilt lifted right away by Jesus Christ if I repent immediately. Then I feel like (and am) a “good Mom” without guilt.  Not because of my talents and capacities, but because I am pure through Christ.

To repent, I say sorry, rededicate myself to God, and try to be a little better than before.  I can feel clean and pure and good before God everytime I commit to change.

But, I need to have a realistic expectations for change.  I used to have the idea that if I yelled or hit my kids and I repented that meant I needed to never do those things again.  I was basically expecting myself to become a perfect mother from then on and never mess up.  So, I felt a lot of guilt and like a bad mom because I didn’t think I was really repenting.  God showed me that I need to say sorry every time and then ask for help to do it less as oppossed to never.  I began to see improvement and grace instead of failure.

Seek God’s Will Daily

God’s will includes the commandments and teachings in the scriptures that are given to the human race as a whole.  In addition, He has things He wants me to do as an individual.  When I pray to know what to do each day and for particular individuals, I receive ideas in my mind or feelings in my heart. The Lord shows me His will for me.  Doing this is daily (and even hourly) is living by revelation and makes me become a partner with God in His work.

This way guilt is replaced with a deep sense of approval from God, knowing God is pleased with me and my efforts that day regardless of all my other problems.  He never asks me to do anything that is too much for me because He knows me perfectly.  When I have prayed to know what he wants me to do I have received answers such as: eat less sugar, strengthen your abdominals, practice awareness, read the scriptures longer, let Jacob color, be kind to Keith, make your husband dinner.

Keep Learning

As long as I am doing my best I am ok.  But, what was my best yesterday may not be my best today. God expects me to keep learning from my mistakes, from study, and from Him through personal revelation.

A New Definition For a “Good Mom”

I used to think a “good mom” did a certain list of do’s and don’ts (clean house, make meals, don’t yell, discipline your children).  All of these things are important and will naturally, eventually, be part of my new definition for “good mom.” But, you can be a good mom and yell or not be the best at house work.  A “good mom” tries her hardest to follow God’s gentle will and change with the help of the Savior every day.  This is something only an individual can judge. I am the only that knows how hard I am trying.

Doing all these things I mentioned is parenting with faith and helps me have confidence instead of guilt or shame.  Now I have greater authority as a mother despite my sins and mistakes.

For more information about my change from shame and guilt-laden parentng to free and happy parenting see About Me.