Waking Up

I remember my anger therapist asking me, “What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?” The first thing I would think of was what I needed to make my 8, 6, 5, and 3 year old do that day. Chores, education, etc. I was automatically filled with tension as soon as I woke up.  Me against the kids.

It was all motivated out of love, mostly.  I wanted to help them learn and grow.  I wanted to help them develop the skills and talents they needed to be successful in life, serve the Lord, and provide for their families in the future.  But, part of me also felt that my success as a mom depended on their actions.  Many people may think this is true.  If your children grow up to be contributing members of society you are a good parent, right?  I agree, but I see more to it

Some things are out of our control.  We can control our actions, thoughts, desires, beliefs, and attitudes.  But, we can only influence other people’s choices.  Ultimately, they have the final say in what they will choose to do, think, and want.

I felt a lot of frustration as a parent  when I would try to make my children do their homework, pick up after themselves, be kind to each other, or do some household chores.  I felt a lot of frustration as a spouse when I would try to make my husband do the dishes, vacuum, clean out the shed, watch less YouTube, or any other number of things.  When I stopped focusing all day long on what I wanted others to do and switched the focus to my responsibilities and choices —all the tension was gone and people actually started to do what I wanted more!

I reviewed my responsibilities throughout the day whenever I started to feel tense: I need to make the meals, I supervise the chores and lovingly withhold privileges and give rewards when they are done.  As for my husband, it was my responsibility to love him and treat him kindly.  I remembered that he was doing his main responsibilities of providing for our family at work all day, being the spiritual leader of our home, and protecting us.  If I felt like he wasn’t doing his responsibilities in some way I would calmly and politely bring my concern to him.  That is a subject for another blog on resolving conflict. 🙂

To conclude, I let go of trying to control others and often repeated the Serenity Prayer when I started to feel tension:

God grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, Not as I would like it.

Trusting that He will make all things right, If I surrender to His will. That I may be reasonably happy in this world And supremely happy in the next.